Memory Passages

_________________________
"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." -- Galileo Galilei, bio
_________________________
"I'm Catholic. We don't read the Bible. We hire a priest to read it for us. I figure he's got all week off and no wife, the least he can do is give a book report for 45 minutes every week."-- Kathleen Madigan, bio
_________________________
"Of all the questions you might want to ask / about angels, the only one you ever hear / is how many can dance on the head of a pin." -- Billy Collins, bio

_________________________

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?"

 I said, "Well, are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious." I said, "Me too! Are your Christian or Buddhist?" He said, "Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said, "Protestant." I said, Me too! Are your Episcopalian or Baptist? He said, "Baptist!" 

I said, "Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord? He said, "Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are your Original Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!"

 I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off. -- Emo Philips, bio
_________________________

A young boy and a priest are talking, and the subject of the priest's calling comes up:

Boy -- "So, did he come to you, then?"
Priest -- "Who's that?"

"Jesus."
"Oh, Jesus. Well, he did in many ways, yes."
"Did you see him?"
"Well, not exactly, no."
"But... you're working for him."
"I am. Doing the best I can."
"Do you get paid for it?"
"Well, it's more a payment of the spiritual kind."
"Oh, right."
"Think you could be drawn to the Church?"
"I don't think so."

"Well, you never know."
"I don't think I could work for someone I'd never met, and not get paid for it."

-- "Waking Ned Devine" written and directed by Kirk Jones
_________________________
“Horses would draw the forms of the gods like horses, and cattle like cattle.”

-- Xenophanes, bio

_________________________